Sad times for me!

In all of Billy's triumphs, he does happen to have some struggles.
We think Billy can see some shadow....but we are not sure. When he saw the Vet, she couldn't be sure, but his pupils do contract a little bit in light. He has scratching on the inside of his eyes and damage that caused the blindness, so we spend a lot of time speculating on what Billy can and cannot see, according to us at least :)
Yesterday was a big day of me being sad, and him being scared. I get so sad when he bumps into something, or when he is afraid to play. He is still learning, and I know that to him, being blind is nothing new...so I can't describe why I feel so bad for him...but I do. He and Joey play a lot....and he really seems to love it. But sometimes...man its hard on me! Joey will be playing near Billy, and Billy will do the cutest little jump to try to leap onto Joey...and probably about 1 out of 4 times, Joey will jump out of the way and Billy lands on the ground normally, and mews and looks around like he is confused. He DOES get Joey, PLENTY of times, but I just hate those times where he looks sad. Joey also loves this mouse toy...and will carry it in his mouth room to room like it is a real mouse and he is trying to catch it. As Joey runs around like crazy, Billy wants to get into the "game" Joey is playing so much...but Joey can run room to room and know exactly where he is going....while Billy stops at the edge of each room and slowly walks into the next one. We have two adjoining rooms with carpet, and out kitchen with linoleum. He can tell when he gets from the kitchen to the middle room, but he doesn't like to go fast from room to room, so he sometimes gets left behind in the games.
Billy is also learning what he can climb over...and on :) He and Joey love to play on a stroller that is in the kitchen. They take turns sleeping in it, or just sleep in it together. Joey likes to climb to the top and reach down, as Billy sits in the bottom and reaches up. They wrestle around, and I watch nervously expecting little Billy to fall down...but he hasn't yet.
One of Billy's favorite spots is the bottom shelf to my little kitchen island. The shelf is just high enough for him to climb onto but low enough to the ground for him to know he can jump back down. We keep a plastic bag of fresh corn from the farmers market on the back of that shelf and are still learning to put everything away since getting Billy. He of course, if curious over everything and he smelled the corn, and wanted it bad! Billy tried to get into the plastic bag, as I was sitting at the kitchen table. I hear scared kitten cries, and a lot of plastic rustling...I rush over to find Billy tangled in the bag handle Poor thing...I felt like the worst mama ever! I had to break the bag handle...it was not strangling him, but his head and one little leg was through and he was freaking out about why he couldn't get out!
Billy also learned what the cat tree is for. I walked by, and he was sitting on the top of our 3 story cat tree...no clue how he got up there. He started scratching himself, and fell down to the bottom level :( He seemed so confused as to why one minute he was up and the next he was falling, frantically trying to claw his way to hold onto a shelf and not continue falling. He was fine on the bottom shelf, but it is hard watching him, and letting him go knowing he is going to sometimes fall.
When the baby gate is separating two rooms, he can climb over it easily, and than walks down it face first to the ground. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of taking it out of the doorway and leaning it against the wall. Billy thought it was blocking something that he could climb to get to, and he knocked it over on himself. When he does something he doesn't understand, he clings to the ground, crouched as close as possible, and whips his head from side to side to try to figure out what is going on. In the past two days he has been scared of shoes in the washer (the noise...he was about 5 ft from the washer when we turned it on and he jumped and ran), the carpet cleaner ( he was curious about the noise, but not curious enough to come with a foot of it) children ( I watch children in my home, and they love kitties...he doesn't know what they are, so he comes close sniffing. One of the children gets excited and comes close to smacking Billy, so Billy now likes so sit a few feet away like he is "watching" them play)

For the first couple of weeks we practically followed the poor guy to make sure he didnt get into anything he shouldnt, and to make sure he never hurt himself. He is VERY independant and loves to explore on his own. If he wants love though, he is sure to tell us! He likes to stand at our feet and try to climb us. He likes to lay on our pillow next to us and press his nose into ours to make sure we pay attention to him. He loves to nestle on my chest under my chin, or in Korey's arm.
I feel like I write very choppy, and I apologize to those reading...I feel like I want to share all of Billy's moments but I try to link them together so it is easier to read than just a day to day account. Either way, this little guy is just amazing and it is hard to express how much we love him. He is truly a happy wonderful kitten.
We give our kitties canned food each morning/night. We yell "treats" and the kitties come running...it didn't take Billy very long to realize this...one problem...Billy cannot eat off the same plate as others!! He GROWLS!! The low growl that scares Joey away! We think it is because Billy doesn't know how much food there is, so he wants it to himself. We give him a small amount on his own plate...soon as he finishes it he walks over and waits for everyone to leave the other food plate and eats more. There is a bowl of dry food out all day and he does eat it but we wonder if he eats so much when the wet food is out because he is not sure when his next meal will be. We are still trying to figure it out but he needs the food because he is so small so we figure it's okay.
<3 to Billy. He sleeps in box a lot these days, or near Joey a lot. We think he feels safe with an ally, and they are too cute together. Soon as I figure out this picture posting thing on here, I will post some more!